THE DUKE OBSERVES
I, ROBOT
I, ROBOT
If The Duke has learned nothing else from years of research in
the scientific field of things, he has at least acquired the
knowledge that anything not assembled from sticks and saliva is
probably going to turn on you at some point and then try and
lock you in the house and probably wire up all sorts of
seemingly “harmless” appliances for to kill the fuck out of
everyone you love.
This theory is, I believe, supported by at least many scientific
journals.
It seems Jeff Vintar and Alex Proyas have been to the same
seminars as The Duke, since they went ahead and made I Am A
Robot, writing and directing, respectively, this tale about The
Fresh Prince don’t trust these uppity robotic sons a bitches
what are all over the damn place. One of those things is gonna
turn on you, is the point to be made, and next thing you know
you’ll be too dead to do a damn thing about it.
As I scream in frustration every morning God gives on account of
the inability for my video recorder to perform even the least
demanding of tasks, I sometimes forget that hidden away amidst
all those chips, circuits, technology, is a mass-murderer just
biding its time.
First it refuses to play Pink Flamingos, then it stabs me in the
guts as I sleep.
Thank God for flicks like I Am A Robot what serve to remind me,
and ensure that my life might be spared.
What I Am A Robot concerns itself with, is being set in the
future and stuff, and being all hi-tech. We know it’s the future
on account of there are robots walking about, and also folks
refer to 2004 as being a “vintage” year and kooky futuristic
shit like that.
Something happens involving the farmer from Babe, and he commits
suicide as a means of killing himself. Will Smith, a loose-
cannon cop if ever was one, he don’t accept this nonsense about
a suicide, and so blames a robot that’s running about the place.
No one listens to a damn word Will Smith has to say, is the
crushing development. It’s like Planet Of The Apes, except it’s
robots instead of monkeys, but the whole world is upside down.
These people act like Terminator never happened. They just let
the robots dilly dally about the place helping with groceries
and plumbing and so on, never for a second considering that they
might just be waiting for to stage a revolution and set the
world alight with robotic fury.
I Am A Robot, Hear Me Roar.
The reason these folks don’t want to heed Detective Will Smith
is because of three laws of some kind what have been programmed
into these robots so that they don’t do crazy shit like kill the
farmer from Babe or do scary eye movements when you’re not
looking.
These laws are something along the lines of;
A robot can’t hurt a human, even one what is really really
fucking annoying.
Also, a robot can’t self-destruct or no gothic shit like that.
Finally, a robot can’t let a human come to harm, like if they
drive a car into a river or something. In that case, a robot
would be expected to help the folks out. Unless this conflicts
with the first two laws, like if the only way for to get the car
out of the water was to blow itself up, since that would not
only be an act of self-destruction, but would probably kill the
folks anyroad, if they were too close.
That right there is the gist of these law things.
I Am A Robot is supposedly based on the writings of a fella by
the name of Issac Asimov, but, in all fairness, they don’t stick
very close to the source. It’s like if someone was adapting
Misery by Stephen King, but instead of having the hero being a
writer, they made him an insurance salesman, and then instead of
having him get held hostage by a lunatic, they had him getting
his body swapped with a teenage boy, and then wacky shit ensues.
Still, I would go as far as to say that if you only see one Will
Smith film this weekend what involves Robots and isn't set in
the Wild West, then I would suggest this one.
Detective Will Smith, as stated above, is something of a
renegade. If you were thinking he wasn’t the kinda cop what
would say stuff like “Oh, I’m sorry, I’m allergic to bullshit”,
or question the authority of his superiors, then you are wrong
and probably also a communist.
You might remember in The Lethal Weapon, when Mel Gibson used to
get up in the morning and cry and then put a gun in his mouth
and then drink a bit of the ale. That is the kind of loose
cannon we’re talking. If this cannon were any looser the balls
would just roll out of it and probably break your foot,
depending on which end you were standing by.
The difference is that Detective Will Smith has a high-tech gun
to hold to his head, instead of a crappy old 1988 pistol, since
this is the future now. Also, Detective Will Smith has very nice
headwear, and not just a shapeless mullet.
I Am A Robot is, it must be said, a very intelligent film. In
case you didn’t know, it wants to talk about the discrimination
and stuff, but it does it in a manner what seems like they’re
talking about robots, when what they're really talking about is
black people / Asian people / white people on low-income / Jews
/ Catholics and any number of minorities. Like in The X-Men 2,
when it looked like it was about mutants were being treated
unfairly, but it was really about no, it’s these other, real-
life people what are being treated unfairly.
Give peace some chances, is the point to be made. Also, destroy
stuff as much as possible.
If the question to be asked were; is I Am A Robot good so far as
the “fun” is concerned, then the answer would be yes.
Other questions might be; is it thought-provoking; does it have
funny lines; is there a sidekick who conveniently knows nothing
about something very important so as it can be explained to us
all?
For the answer to these questions The Duke will have to suggest
that what you do is see the film, since spoilers are just not
something I feel comfortable with divulging, unless it results
in many, many people going to my slab of web-net, something
unlikely to happen in this case since the film has already been
out for at least ages.
Alex Proyas previously directed The Crow and Dark City, and this
carries on the theme of being more concerned with the looking
good than anything else. There are visual flourishes here what
are truly breath-taking, like when robots start climbing up a
building, or when a woman is in a shower.
The irony is that it looks very good but doesn’t have much going
on underneath. This is ironic on account of it’s about robots
what aren’t very pretty but are very very intelligent. That part
is the part dealing with irony.
Thanks folks.
Drop The Duke A Line Via Electronical Email
the scientific field of things, he has at least acquired the
knowledge that anything not assembled from sticks and saliva is
probably going to turn on you at some point and then try and
lock you in the house and probably wire up all sorts of
seemingly “harmless” appliances for to kill the fuck out of
everyone you love.
This theory is, I believe, supported by at least many scientific
journals.
It seems Jeff Vintar and Alex Proyas have been to the same
seminars as The Duke, since they went ahead and made I Am A
Robot, writing and directing, respectively, this tale about The
Fresh Prince don’t trust these uppity robotic sons a bitches
what are all over the damn place. One of those things is gonna
turn on you, is the point to be made, and next thing you know
you’ll be too dead to do a damn thing about it.
As I scream in frustration every morning God gives on account of
the inability for my video recorder to perform even the least
demanding of tasks, I sometimes forget that hidden away amidst
all those chips, circuits, technology, is a mass-murderer just
biding its time.
First it refuses to play Pink Flamingos, then it stabs me in the
guts as I sleep.
Thank God for flicks like I Am A Robot what serve to remind me,
and ensure that my life might be spared.
What I Am A Robot concerns itself with, is being set in the
future and stuff, and being all hi-tech. We know it’s the future
on account of there are robots walking about, and also folks
refer to 2004 as being a “vintage” year and kooky futuristic
shit like that.
Something happens involving the farmer from Babe, and he commits
suicide as a means of killing himself. Will Smith, a loose-
cannon cop if ever was one, he don’t accept this nonsense about
a suicide, and so blames a robot that’s running about the place.
No one listens to a damn word Will Smith has to say, is the
crushing development. It’s like Planet Of The Apes, except it’s
robots instead of monkeys, but the whole world is upside down.
These people act like Terminator never happened. They just let
the robots dilly dally about the place helping with groceries
and plumbing and so on, never for a second considering that they
might just be waiting for to stage a revolution and set the
world alight with robotic fury.
I Am A Robot, Hear Me Roar.
The reason these folks don’t want to heed Detective Will Smith
is because of three laws of some kind what have been programmed
into these robots so that they don’t do crazy shit like kill the
farmer from Babe or do scary eye movements when you’re not
looking.
These laws are something along the lines of;
A robot can’t hurt a human, even one what is really really
fucking annoying.
Also, a robot can’t self-destruct or no gothic shit like that.
Finally, a robot can’t let a human come to harm, like if they
drive a car into a river or something. In that case, a robot
would be expected to help the folks out. Unless this conflicts
with the first two laws, like if the only way for to get the car
out of the water was to blow itself up, since that would not
only be an act of self-destruction, but would probably kill the
folks anyroad, if they were too close.
That right there is the gist of these law things.
I Am A Robot is supposedly based on the writings of a fella by
the name of Issac Asimov, but, in all fairness, they don’t stick
very close to the source. It’s like if someone was adapting
Misery by Stephen King, but instead of having the hero being a
writer, they made him an insurance salesman, and then instead of
having him get held hostage by a lunatic, they had him getting
his body swapped with a teenage boy, and then wacky shit ensues.
Still, I would go as far as to say that if you only see one Will
Smith film this weekend what involves Robots and isn't set in
the Wild West, then I would suggest this one.
Detective Will Smith, as stated above, is something of a
renegade. If you were thinking he wasn’t the kinda cop what
would say stuff like “Oh, I’m sorry, I’m allergic to bullshit”,
or question the authority of his superiors, then you are wrong
and probably also a communist.
You might remember in The Lethal Weapon, when Mel Gibson used to
get up in the morning and cry and then put a gun in his mouth
and then drink a bit of the ale. That is the kind of loose
cannon we’re talking. If this cannon were any looser the balls
would just roll out of it and probably break your foot,
depending on which end you were standing by.
The difference is that Detective Will Smith has a high-tech gun
to hold to his head, instead of a crappy old 1988 pistol, since
this is the future now. Also, Detective Will Smith has very nice
headwear, and not just a shapeless mullet.
I Am A Robot is, it must be said, a very intelligent film. In
case you didn’t know, it wants to talk about the discrimination
and stuff, but it does it in a manner what seems like they’re
talking about robots, when what they're really talking about is
black people / Asian people / white people on low-income / Jews
/ Catholics and any number of minorities. Like in The X-Men 2,
when it looked like it was about mutants were being treated
unfairly, but it was really about no, it’s these other, real-
life people what are being treated unfairly.
Give peace some chances, is the point to be made. Also, destroy
stuff as much as possible.
If the question to be asked were; is I Am A Robot good so far as
the “fun” is concerned, then the answer would be yes.
Other questions might be; is it thought-provoking; does it have
funny lines; is there a sidekick who conveniently knows nothing
about something very important so as it can be explained to us
all?
For the answer to these questions The Duke will have to suggest
that what you do is see the film, since spoilers are just not
something I feel comfortable with divulging, unless it results
in many, many people going to my slab of web-net, something
unlikely to happen in this case since the film has already been
out for at least ages.
Alex Proyas previously directed The Crow and Dark City, and this
carries on the theme of being more concerned with the looking
good than anything else. There are visual flourishes here what
are truly breath-taking, like when robots start climbing up a
building, or when a woman is in a shower.
The irony is that it looks very good but doesn’t have much going
on underneath. This is ironic on account of it’s about robots
what aren’t very pretty but are very very intelligent. That part
is the part dealing with irony.
Thanks folks.
Drop The Duke A Line Via Electronical Email
